The Pain & Beauty of Humility

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I've never had trouble reciting a prayer until this one: The Litany of Humility. It is the kind that is so good for the soul it makes me cringe.  

It starts off gently:  

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me! 

Me: Oh yes that's nice. Please hear me meek and humble Jesus!

And then it continues:

From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me Jesus.  
Hm... OK Lord I guess I don't need so much of that.  Yes, Lord deliver me from this.

From the desire of being loved, deliver me Jesus.  
Whoa there! Hold up now...

And it only gets harder from there with sentences like:

From the desire of being praised...being preferred to others...approved...  
But wait!  I like affirmation! Heck, I like being liked!

From the fear of being despised...ridiculed...humiliated...  
AH!  But that stuff is painful!

Then the litany switches gears, and just when I didn't think it couldn't get any harder, it does:

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed...

That others may be preferred to me in everything...

That others may become holier than I, 
provided that I may become as holy as I should...

By the last sentence there is a small part of me that wonders what the consequences of this prayer will be.  What on earth did I just ask for?!  I like being liked!  I like being praised for doing a good job!  It kills me when I know people are unhappy with me.  Why would I want to embrace a virtue that makes me so uncomfortable?

Of course, the short answer is this:   

Because Christ did.  

 "...He emptied himself, taking the form of a slave... he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross." - Philippians 2:7-8

Though the cross is painful, we also know that it isn't the end of the story.  Humility can be painful, but it can also be beautiful when it is united to Christ.   


There's no doubt in my mind that the reason the Litany of Humility is so challenging for me to pray is because I need it so much.  Humility is hard.  It means embracing a cross that isn't always so fun to carry.  It also means recognizing that I am nothing without Christ, and without Him playing an active role in my life, I can do nothing at all.  

In his December 19th homily Pope Francis said that "Humility is necessary for fruitfulness." He explained that we cannot bear fruit in our lives without God's help and that we must acknowledge that we can do nothing on our own.  He encourages us to pray " ‘Lord, I want to be fruitful.’ I desire that my life should give life, that my faith should be fruitful and go forward and be able to give it to others. Lord, I am sterile, I can’t do it. You can. I am a desert: I can’t do it. You can.”

As someone who works in ministry full-time, this is something I need to pray more often.  It is easy for me to fall into the trap of thinking that I can do everything on my own. "I'll start this program!"  "I'll give this talk!" "I'll do it all!"  And in the middle of running my own show, pride is a comfortable thing to settle into.  Yet, it seems like the work I do is so much more meaningful and impactful when I get out of the way and take the time to ask "God, what are you calling me to do?"  Even my own prayer life and walk with Christ seems more life giving when I stop trying to push my agenda on God.  

I read through St. Josemaria Escriva's 17 Signs of a Lack of Humility and there's no doubt that I need a lot of work.  In this new year I feel like God is calling me to stop asking "What does Deanna want to get done?" and instead make the effort to pray "Your will, not mine, be done" on a daily basis.  And although it's not my favorite prayer, I'm also trying to pray the Litany of Humility at the start of my work day.  These are just small steps that I think could lead to a very interesting and fruitful year! 

Humility will probably never be an "easy" virtue for me to embrace.  The good news is that this is where God's grace kicks in.  By acknowledging our dependence on God, we make more room for him to work in and through our lives.  When we let go of things like the desire of being loved and the fear of being rejected we embrace the cross and the joy of our faith more fully.  

Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like yours 

(even if it hurts).

be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid

d*

7QT #4: Good & Great Things

--- 1 ---

My husband and I are celebrating our first Christmas together in Dodge City.  Christmas will be a little different this year, because it is the first time either of us has been away from our families on Christmas day.  Not gonna lie, I'm sad that we can't make a trip to TN or TX to be with our loved ones... but at the same time I'm looking forward to being with my husband and beginning our own traditions as a new family. 

--- 2 ---

Dad shares a birthday with Pope Francis.  It's like a double rainbow... I don't know what it means but I'm sure it's something good.    

--- 3 ---

Every now and then the culture gets it right

I'm not a parent yet, but this commercial melted my heart and made my day.  Way to go Coca Cola!  We think babies are pretty awesome too :)

--- 4 ---

Speaking of babies... 

I'm an NFP Teacher-in-Training with BOMA!  I found out a few weeks ago that I passed the test and can officially start working on becoming fully certified.  Honestly, I'm freaking out on the inside a little nervous... but I'm looking forward to teaching Theology of the Body AND Natural Family Planning.   I'm a married TOB fanatic who is going to be teaching NFP (Catholic triple threat?).  I'm suddenly feeling dangerously awesome.... :-p But seriously, please pray for me because this is new territory and another lesson in stepping out of the boat!  :) 

  --- 5 ---

Whyyyyy M C A?

My husband and I joined the YMCA this month, and kicking off a 12-week fitness program this week.  Going to the gym is always a humbling experience... and my husband is one of those natural athletes that will have a six pack after a week of doing pushups and crunches.  Me on the other hand... I need some work.  But I'm really excited about doing this as a couple.  Maybe I should buy some matching sweatbands for Christmas?  #TEAMJOHNSTON

--- 6 ---

New year. New Adventures.

2013 was awesome.  Between getting engaged and getting Pope-Handed by the new Pontiff, this year had more surprises and blessings than I ever could have imagined.  The best part?  This is only the beginning.  Like most folks there's a lot of things that I'd like to see happen and a lot of goals I would like to accomplish before December rolls around again.  But before getting caught up in resolutions and weight-loss plans, or even dreaming up a magnificent "Things to Do" list... I really feel like I need step back and reflect on what it means to be a child of God and how this should impact my daily life.  It can be so easy to forget this, and I really think that God is inviting me to embrace this.  period.  Lead me Lord.

--- 7 ---

And finally... 

wedding picture o v e r l o a d....

We are very grateful to Tindall Farmer Photography for capturing some truly beautiful moments on our wedding day!  Just had to share a bunch few of my favorites!

A Few Moments with Francis

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To be honest it is hard to know where to begin this story.  I feel like the important details are not so much how my husband and I got to shake Pope Francis' hand (although having a Pope Hand is pretty awesome), but more so the lesson the Holy Father taught us in brief moments we shared with him.   

While it might look like I'm blocking my husband from shaking the pope's hand,
this is actually my husband placing the Holy Father's hand into mine :)

My husband and I were married on October 5^th in my hometown of Memphis, TN.  It sounds cliché to say this, but it really was the happiest day of my life.   After 3 years of working with engaged couples at my parish and teaching the Theology of the Body, it was wonderful to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage with my best friend, surrounded by our family and friends.  God is so good!  

Before we were even engaged, Michael and I knew that we would be going to Rome in October for our last Graduate Theology course.   Rome itself is an overwhelming experience.  Standing in basilicas that were built more than a thousand years before our country was founded gave me a deeper appreciation for our faith.  

From the very top of St. Peter's Basilica

One of my favorite places was St. Peter’s Basilica.   The moment we stepped into the building it felt like home.  The artwork was breathtaking, and the architecture impressive; but what made that basilica feel like I was standing in my home parish was the realization that this is where the foundations of our Catholic faith were laid.  It gave a whole new meaning to “You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Mt 16:18).  

On October 16^th my husband and I attended the papal audience in St. Peter’s Square.  We were able to obtain Sposi Novelli  (Newlywed) tickets, which meant that we were invited to wear our wedding attire to the audience and sit in a special section that was a little bit closer to the Holy Father.  

Our seats were surrounded by barricades and we were several rows back in our section, so we assumed that we might get to see the Pope from 100 feet away, or if we were really lucky he might come down our side of the barricade to wave hello.  No matter what happened we were grateful for this experience.  

After the Holy Father’s address, the Vatican security guards instructed us to file out of the section.  I assumed that meant everything was over now and it was time to go home.  And then we realized they are taking us to Pope Francis!  They looked at each couple, making sure the men had their jackets buttoned up appropriately, and that the women had the proper attire.  It was one of those moments where we could not help but see how God placed us in the right place, at the right time, and before we knew it we were standing at the center of the platform waiting for the Holy Father to come and greet us.  

It is hard to put into words the thoughts and emotions we experienced when we saw the Successor of Peter standing right in front of us.   

Handing Pope Francis a prayer card from our wedding

As the Holy Father shook Michael’s hand I said (in Spanish) “Holy Father, we are from the United States.  We are praying for you.”  Pope Francis shook my hand, and then Michael handed him a holy card that we had given to our wedding guests which has a picture of the Divine Mercy.  I told the Holy Father, “This is a gift from our wedding.  We were married on October 5^th, the feast of St. Faustina.”  Pope Francis looked at both sides and smiled, and then he made his way to the next couple in line.  Michael and I stood there for a moment a bit awestruck at what had just happened. 

There’s one thing that struck me more than anything else about our brief moment with the Holy Father: He knows the gift of presence.  

When I think about our wedding reception and brief moments I was able to spend personally greeting our guests, I have to admit that I probably was not as focused on each person as I should have been.  Sometimes all I could do is blurt out a quick “Thanks for coming!  It’s great to see you!” before running back to the floor for another favorite song. 

 

And then I think about our moment with Pope Francis.  The Pope had to have greeted hundreds of people before he came to us.  He wasn’t just shaking hands and kissing babies because of some kind of obligatory Papal Duty; rather, he greeted each person, he looked at each one of us like a father lovingly looks at his children.    Even though he didn’t say a word, he listened to us.  He looked at us.  He smiled at us.  In that moment he was present to each person, sharing the love and joy of Christ even if it was only with a smile.  

Looking back at the pictures that were taken of us with Pope Francis it is still hard to believe that we were able to experience something so special.  The Holy Father gave us just a few seconds of his time, but he taught us that sharing the joy of our faith can be as simple as being joyful and fully present to each person we encounter.  That is probably one of the best gifts that we could ever receive as we begin our life as a married couple.   

Lord teach us how to be present to every person we encounter, and teach us how to be see the gift of each and every person we meet. 

be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid

d*