It was about mid-March when I met with a young Spanish speaking couple preparing to baptize their son. I was really excited to meet with them because they had just finished marriage preparation the year before, and now it was time to baptize their newborn. Nothing makes my day like seeing one of our newlyweds living their vocation! :)
Towards the end of our meeting the husband asked me, "I have a question for you, and I hope I don't offend....¿Estás esperando?" It took me an extra second to understand what he said because Esperar = to wait for, to hope for, and it's actually one of my most favorite Spanish words.
But then I realized he was asking me THAT question:
"Are you expecting?"
I laughed and said I didn't know. I told them that my husband and I were really praying about having a baby, and that we'd find out in the next few days if we were pregnant or not.
What made this man's question extra interesting was that right before our meeting I had spent some time in the adoration chapel specifically praying about our desire to have a baby. In my journal I wrote something like, "Lord, you know the desires of my heart. You know that we've been praying about having a baby and that we are open to becoming parents. No matter what Your will be done, and please help me to be at peace with that."
So when the man asked " ¿Estás esperando? (Are you expecting)?" I wasn't really as mortified as I would normally have been. His wife shook her head in disbelief that he had actually asked THE FORBIDDEN QUESTION, but we laughed and they said that they really hoped I was pregnant or would be soon.
When they left I laughed again, wondering if maybe this was God's way of giving me an "Annunciation Moment" or some kind of heads up that maybe our prayers had been answered.
Fast Forward 2 days:
Definitely not pregnant. Definitely not laughing.
Suddenly all the humiliation that I would have felt just days before sank in. Have I gained THAT much weight? I look awful! What sort of cruel joke is this Lord? I cried, I whined, and I pouted.
At some point during the day the question replayed in my mind: Estás esperando? Which literally means: Are you waiting for? Are you hoping for?
God reminded me that during adoration I had specifically said "Your will be done." And now I needed to follow up on those words of surrender. The question was not an offensive jab; rather, it was an invitation to trust.
Deanna, are you waiting for Me? Are you full of hope and trust?
Scripture tells us over and over again to wait for the Lord, to hope in the Lord, and to trust that God's plans are perfect:
"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord!" - Psalm 27:14
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord." - Psalm 130:5-6
And a personal favorite:
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you..." - Jeremiah 29:11-14
That's when I realized that it didn't matter if I was praying about getting pregnant, or just praying about doing God's will at home,work, and in the world. God was inviting me to trust in Him, to surrender to Him, to wait for Him.
And so, the next time I was asked "¿Estás esperando?" (which was about a month later) I could smile. Even though I had to answer that I wasn't pregnant, I knew I needed to take a moment to reflect on whether or not I've been waiting, hoping and trusting God the best that I can.
Today if you were to ask me "¿Estás esperando?" I'd say that I'm working on it, and really trying to surrender a little more of that trust on a daily basis.
I'd also tell you, "Si..."
...about the beginning of February 2015.
|P.S. No, we don't know it is a boy. But those shoes were cute :)|
Please pray for us :)
be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid