That's a word that's been bugging me a lot these last few weeks.
So many magazine articles and wedding websites talk about being a beautiful bride. There's all sorts of exercise, diet, and beauty regimens out there explaining how to "look your best for the big day!"
The words "beautiful" and "bride" just seem to go together... but for some reason I feel like I'm in a battle for beauty.
Sure, I have the dress... I have the hair extensions, purchased the over priced teeth whitening kit, I've been trying to lay off the gummie bears, taken up walking in the mornings with my friend Noelle, and tried to continue Turbo Fire workouts. Still, there's a part of me that just doesn't feel like I'm going to be the bride I'm "supposed" to be.
But what does this mean exactly?
Am I worried that the zipper won't zip all the way? Sure.
Am I worried my hair and makeup won't turn out according to plan? Yeah, a little bit.
But I feel like the desire to be a beautiful bride goes a little bit deeper than those things.
As our wedding day gets closer I've felt the need to take this to prayer. And one day as I was driving around I heard this song for the first time. It's the chorus that caught my attention:
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl, I wanna see inside.
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful, tonight?
While the song might be talking about something totally unrelated to my situation, I really felt like God's been putting something similar on my heart:
Would you let me see beneath your desire for beauty?
Would you let me into this desire to be perfect?
Cast off what you think you're supposed to be, and let me enter into your heart.
Let me make you beautiful.
I've listened to this song over and over again, and I still feel God nudging my heart (because let's face it I am both a little stubborn and a little slow.).
The desire for beauty is a good thing. But what I'm slowly starting to realize is that my desire isn't just to look great in my dress, have fabulous hair, flawless makeup, and the glow of a new bride (while all of those things would be nice...), what I really want is to be the woman God created me to be.
I don't want to just be beautiful for a day... I want to have a beautiful heart. I want to be the wife and mother God created me to be. I want to learn gentleness, humility, gracefulness, kindness, and strength.
Come to think of it, I'd like to be a lot like her:
"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, And there is no blemish in you.- Song of Songs 4:7
Our wedding is just 10 days away and I know that no matter what it will be a beautiful and holy celebration. I also know that the Sacrament of Marriage is just one of the ways God is helping me to become the woman I'm supposed to be. But the journey doesn't end there.
The quest for beauty is a quest for God Himself... God who is True, Good, and Beautiful.
How wonderful would it be if I worried about the state of my soul as much as I worry about the beauty of my wedding day?
"Your adornment should not be an external one: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God."- 1 Peter 3: 3-4
Lord would You come into my desire for beauty and show me how this desire will lead me closer to You? Help me to let go of what I think I'm supposed to be, and help me to allow You to make me who I was created to be.
be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid