Confessions of a Bride to Be

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Beautiful.  

That's a word that's been bugging me a lot these last few weeks.

So many magazine articles and wedding websites talk about being a beautiful bride.  There's all sorts of exercise, diet, and beauty regimens out there explaining how to "look your best for the big day!"

The words "beautiful" and "bride" just seem to go together... but for some reason I feel like I'm in a battle for beauty.

Sure, I have the dress... I have the hair extensions, purchased the over priced teeth whitening kit, I've been trying to lay off the gummie bears, taken up walking in the mornings with my friend Noelle, and tried to continue Turbo Fire workouts.  Still, there's a part of me that just doesn't feel like I'm going to be the bride I'm "supposed" to be.

But what does this mean exactly?
Am I worried that the zipper won't zip all the way?  Sure.
Am I worried my hair and makeup won't turn out according to plan? Yeah, a little bit.

But I feel like the desire to be a beautiful bride goes a little bit deeper than those things.

As our wedding day gets closer I've felt the need to take this to prayer.  And one day as I was driving around I heard this song for the first time.  It's the chorus that caught my attention:

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl, I wanna see inside.
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful, tonight?

While the song might be talking about something totally unrelated to my situation, I really felt like God's been putting something similar on my heart:

Would you let me see beneath your desire for beauty?
Would you let me into this desire to be perfect?
Cast off what you think you're supposed to be, and let me enter into your heart.
Let me make you beautiful.  

I've listened to this song over and over again, and I still feel God nudging my heart (because let's face it I am both a little stubborn and a little slow.).

The desire for beauty is a good thing.  But what I'm slowly starting to realize is that my desire isn't just to look great in my dress, have fabulous hair, flawless makeup, and the glow of a new bride (while all of those things would be nice...), what I really want is to be the woman God created me to be.

I don't want to just be beautiful for a day... I want to have a beautiful heart.  I want to be the wife and mother God created me to be.  I want to learn gentleness, humility, gracefulness, kindness, and strength.

Come to think of it, I'd like to be a lot like her:

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, And there is no blemish in you.- Song of Songs 4:7

Our wedding is just 10 days away and I know that no matter what it will be a beautiful and holy celebration.  I also know that the Sacrament of Marriage is just one of the ways God is helping me to become the woman I'm supposed to be.  But the journey doesn't end there.

The quest for beauty is a quest for God Himself... God who is True, Good, and Beautiful.  

How wonderful would it be if I worried about the state of my soul as much as I worry about the beauty of my wedding day?

"Your adornment should not be an external one: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God."- 1 Peter 3: 3-4

Lord would You come into my desire for beauty and show me how this desire will lead me closer to You?  Help me to let go of what I think I'm supposed to be, and help me to allow You to make me who I was created to be.

be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid

d*

7 Quick Takes, #1: Ketchup!

 My very first "7 Quick Takes!". My favorite bloggers do this on a regular basis (namely, Conversion Diary, 4Life4Life, Captive the Heart, and NFPandMe), so I thought I might give it a go. :)  I'll use this an an opportunity to catch up on the past few months of silence.

--- 1 ---

So I haven't blogged all summer long... but I promise I have a good excuse! I spent most of the summer preparing and then taking my Comprehensive Exam for my MA Theology program.  One of the benefits to being in the same Graduate Program as my fiance is that we can procrastinate work together and encourage one another. The test was Pass/Fail so the pressure was on.  I thought it would be the end of me.... No really.   I'm pretty sure I win in the melt down department, but WE PASSED!  I may have overdosed on coffee and functioned on little to no sleep, but it was all worth it in the end.  Now we just have to finish our Thesis (50 pages to go!) and then the degree is ours!!

--- 2 ---

There's nothing like finding a hilarious YouTube video to entertain oneself and avoid the pains of studying and writing papers.  What's better is finding out that that hilarious video is part of a series of hilarious videos that can occupy your time for several hours at a time.  This one has been especially entertaining:

 

 Thankfully Michael's toes don't point up... so we're good.

--- 3 ---

My trip to Memphis in August went really well.  I met with some vendors, got to see wedding hair, makeup, and dress all put together... which basically = stuff's bout to get real.  One of the highlights from the trip was my Memphis Bridal Shower hosted by my amazing and wonderful Maid of Honor.  It's awesome to see friends from high school again!

Gina, Me, Stacy, Matt, Katey and Erica (MOH)

--- 4 ---

One of my "major" preparations for the wedding was making the decision to get extensions.  I went from a bob to 16 inches of "Brazilian" hair.  After a month of having it in I think I'm finally getting used to it, but seeing people's reactions has been super entertaining.  My favorite so far has been the people who thought I just kept my hair pinned back all the time.  If only it were that easy!

--- 5 ---

I've recently been introduced to The Doctor:

We're on Season 2.  Me gusta.  :)

--- 6 ---

Michael and I have been reading 33 Days to Morning Glory as part of our final preparation for our wedding day.  The 33rd day is the day of our wedding and following the Nuptial Mass we will consecrate ourselves to Jesus through Mary.  This is my second time to go through the book and it is absolutely wonderful.  The Blessed Mother has been a very special part of our courtship, and it has been important to have her as a constant intercessor.  We can never love her more than Jesus does :)

--- 7 ---

I'm getting married in 15 days!!!!!  Who knew that 3 years of waiting could come down to just 2 short weeks.  We're leaving for the first part of our trip next Thursday, getting to Memphis around October 1, and October 5th is the big day!  You'll definitely be hearing more about this later... God willing :)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!