Confessions of a Bride to Be

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Beautiful.  

That's a word that's been bugging me a lot these last few weeks.

So many magazine articles and wedding websites talk about being a beautiful bride.  There's all sorts of exercise, diet, and beauty regimens out there explaining how to "look your best for the big day!"

The words "beautiful" and "bride" just seem to go together... but for some reason I feel like I'm in a battle for beauty.

Sure, I have the dress... I have the hair extensions, purchased the over priced teeth whitening kit, I've been trying to lay off the gummie bears, taken up walking in the mornings with my friend Noelle, and tried to continue Turbo Fire workouts.  Still, there's a part of me that just doesn't feel like I'm going to be the bride I'm "supposed" to be.

But what does this mean exactly?
Am I worried that the zipper won't zip all the way?  Sure.
Am I worried my hair and makeup won't turn out according to plan? Yeah, a little bit.

But I feel like the desire to be a beautiful bride goes a little bit deeper than those things.

As our wedding day gets closer I've felt the need to take this to prayer.  And one day as I was driving around I heard this song for the first time.  It's the chorus that caught my attention:

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl, I wanna see inside.
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful, tonight?

While the song might be talking about something totally unrelated to my situation, I really felt like God's been putting something similar on my heart:

Would you let me see beneath your desire for beauty?
Would you let me into this desire to be perfect?
Cast off what you think you're supposed to be, and let me enter into your heart.
Let me make you beautiful.  

I've listened to this song over and over again, and I still feel God nudging my heart (because let's face it I am both a little stubborn and a little slow.).

The desire for beauty is a good thing.  But what I'm slowly starting to realize is that my desire isn't just to look great in my dress, have fabulous hair, flawless makeup, and the glow of a new bride (while all of those things would be nice...), what I really want is to be the woman God created me to be.

I don't want to just be beautiful for a day... I want to have a beautiful heart.  I want to be the wife and mother God created me to be.  I want to learn gentleness, humility, gracefulness, kindness, and strength.

Come to think of it, I'd like to be a lot like her:

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, And there is no blemish in you.- Song of Songs 4:7

Our wedding is just 10 days away and I know that no matter what it will be a beautiful and holy celebration.  I also know that the Sacrament of Marriage is just one of the ways God is helping me to become the woman I'm supposed to be.  But the journey doesn't end there.

The quest for beauty is a quest for God Himself... God who is True, Good, and Beautiful.  

How wonderful would it be if I worried about the state of my soul as much as I worry about the beauty of my wedding day?

"Your adornment should not be an external one: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God."- 1 Peter 3: 3-4

Lord would You come into my desire for beauty and show me how this desire will lead me closer to You?  Help me to let go of what I think I'm supposed to be, and help me to allow You to make me who I was created to be.

be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid

d*

Why Easter Vigil ROCKED

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I don't know if it is possible to have a "favorite Mass", but the Easter Vigil 2013 is going to go down in my book as one of the most life changing experiences ever.  I'll give you a rundown of my favorite moments:

from holyfamilyfishers.org

Christ Our Light, Thanks be to God!
For as long as I can remember, the very beginning of the Easter Vigil Mass has got to be one of my favorite moments.  The Church is dark, the Easter fire is lit, and the celebrant walks into the Church with the light of the Easter candle singing "CHRIST OUR LIGHT!"  Slowly but surely the congregation's candles illuminate the sanctuary.  There's something about looking around the Cathedral at hundreds of candles that gives me a very concrete visual of what it means to be the Body of Christ.  Together we overcome the darkness.

The Exultet
Not only is it beautiful to stand there holding the light of our candles, we get to hear someone sing the Easter Proclamation!  #bestchantofalltime.

Front Row Seat
Working for the Church has many perks... like getting a front row seat to 28 baptisms!  Ok, so it wasn't a front row "seat" it was more like "Deanna stand close to the baptismal font and help if people need help." That was awesome.  I got to see the faces of women, men, and children as they walked into the font with our Bishop and the Pastor, and the radiant joy on their faces as they stepped out.  Neophytes are extra awesome.

He's One of Us!
Another highlight of this Mass was seeing my best friend's husband enter full communion with the Catholic Church.  It just made the mass that much more special :)  They've been married almost one year and are expecting their first child in July.  I think I saw more joy and excitement on their faces that night than on their wedding day!  #Catholicandproud

L-R Me, Michael, Blake (baby Catholic!) and his wife Becca

Shortly after we took this picture, I suggested that Michael (my boyfriend of almost 3 years) and I take a picture together at the altar.  We hardly ever get pictures taken together, so why not do so when we're in our Easter best!  We took our places at the foot of the altar when Michael said "Deanna..."  

Which was soon followed by "Deanna, will you marry me?" :

I, of course, said yes!  Which was followed by this pretty awesome shot:

I love love love this picture... Mostly because the tabernacle... the Eucharist is at the very center of it.  Right where it should be.  It reminds me of Venerable Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married.

And that is why I haven't written since the Easter Vigil :-p  Life has been a bit of a whirlwind since March 30th!  Between work, grad school, and wedding planning... I haven't really been sure where to begin on the next entry!

There's a lot to share, and I think it is perfectly appropriate that I began this blog, "Getting Out of the Boat" on the night that my beloved proposed.  Preparing for the Sacrament of Marriage in the midst of one of the busiest years of my life will be an out of the boat experience for sure.  When I look at everything that I have to get done between now and the end of the year it can feel a little overwhelming... but there's this beautiful peace in all of it knowing that on October 5, 2013 I will marry my best friend.

So at this point, I sincerely ask for your prayers.  In the midst of all of the wedding planning, writing a thesis, taking comprehensive exams and continuing ministry at the parish,  things can feel a little crazy! But I know that if I keep eye contact on Christ and keep Him at the center of all of this, 2013 is going to end up as one of the best years thus far!

There's no way we're going to be able to do this on our own.  But with Christ at the center we don't have to.

be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid

d*

"Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death..."

Song of Songs 8:6