On Not Finishing Everything Before *30*

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Two weeks ago I turned 30 years old.

That's right.  The big 3-0.  No longer a twenty-something...just thirty.  Gasp! 

Surprisingly, I'm OK.  I survived the transition.  The clump of gray hairs on the top of my head seems a little more shiny than usual, but other than that I'm OK.

As my birthday came closer, people asked the same typical question, "So...how are you feeling about turning THIRTY?"  I responded with the typical "Eh..."  I mean sure, saying the word "thur-tee" leaves a slightly sour taste in my mouth, but I think that's mostly because 30 used to seem so far away.  And now here it is... with no where for me to run.

Yet there was also a very satisfying feeling about jumping into this new decade.  It wasn't like I lived under a rock for the last ten years.  A lot of life happened in the past decade.  A lot of GOD happened in the past decade.  

Some time after I had turned 20 I made the obligatory "Before I'm 30" list.  I decided to go looking for it in my box of journals because I know that there are things that I can definitely mark off the list, such as: 

• Travel to a Spanish speaking country (Studied in Costa Rica 2007 & lived in Mexico for a year)
• Help someone become Catholic (RCIA sponsor in 2012)
• Discern my vocation (Got married 10/5/2013)
• Travel to Rome & have an audience with the Pope (Best. Honeymoon. Ever.)

There were others on there that I know I didn't complete such as Publish a book, but I did write an 85 page thesis for my MA Theology degree in 2014, so maybe that can count? :)  

It isn't uncommon for people to have a Bucket List, or just a "things I want/need to get done" within X number of years.  Whether it's things we want to do before we graduate from college, before marriage or kids, or things we want to get done before the next decade sneaks up on us, it's not a bad thing to have goals that motivate and inspire us.

My 20th Birthday...
Taking Selfies before it was cool.

But sometimes when that deadline arrives it can be tempting to only focus on what we haven't accomplished.  As my birthday got closer it was really hard not to think about the fact that I'm not 30-50lbs lighter (hellooo baby weight + the lbs I never lost in my 20s).  I have an incredible list of things that I can be proud of and thankful for, but for some reason it was really tempting to only focus on how I failed to reach a certain number on the scale.

Maybe someone else is disappointed that they never traveled as much as they wanted, or mastered a certain skill, or figured out their vocation in life yet.  That's OK.  Just because we don't do all the things in the time frame that we imagine for ourselves doesn't necessarily mean that we've wasted time or that we've failed at being a successful 20 or 30 something.

God is still at work.  For all that we don't mark off the lists, there are so many other things that, when we really take the time to think about it,  God has done in our lives.

I haven't been able to find my official "Before 30" list, but as I went through my old journals it reaffirmed what I shared several months ago:  In the darkest moments, God was at work.  In the happiest moments, God was at work.  When I was wrestling with God and discerning my vocation, God was at work.  When I felt like my plans were completely falling apart, God was most definitely at work.
 

If God can do all that in my 20s, then I'm certain that my 30s are going to be full of more surprises and adventures.  I'll probably make a "Before 40" list in case God needs any ideas, but I already know God's plans will be better and more fulfilling than what I can dream up for myself.   

No matter where you are in life, no matter how many things you have or haven't marked off your list, remember that God loves you too much to let you stay the same.  Our lives are more than a series of "Things to Do".  God has a plan and a purpose for each of us, no matter our age or state in life.  

be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid

2015 Word of the Year: Be

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At the beginning of 2014 I really felt called to embrace the words "Your will, not mine, be done."  Six words, sprinkled with lessons in surrender and humility.  I knew it wasn't going to be a piece of cake, but I don't think I realized how God would lead me to learning the significance of those words in every aspect of my life.

Sure, I knew it was going to be a busy year:  thesis writing, new changes and challenges in ministry, plus we were just navigating through our first year of marriage, which is a whole new adventure in itself.  But I think the place where God really taught me the meaning of those words was when we were trying to get pregnant.  It took me a little while to realize that "Your will not mine be done" is NOT the same as "My will should be done on my timeline."  Go figure.  In the end, I realized that God's timing is absolutely perfect, and His will and plans are much better than anything I could come up with on my own.

Now here we are at the first week of 2015.

When I was praying about what the "word" for the New Year might be, I was surprised by how short and simple the answer was: BE.  While that word doesn't seem like much, I feel called to live it out in on three different levels:

 Be {still and know that I am GOD}.

Psalm 46:10

In a world of constant go go go! and schedules that are always full of something.... then add a baby on top of all of that, it's extremely easy to get caught up in the things to do and forget the simplest of tasks: to be still and simply be with God.  No lofty or complex spiritual plans or agenda... just the constant reminder to be still and acknowledge that God is God, and I am not.  That's more important than trying to read 10 spiritual books or telling myself I'll pray the rosary every single day before breakfast (though those are great goals to have!).  It all begins with learning to be still, to be silent, and to really soak in who God is. 

Be {in the moment}.

"Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified do not be discouraged, for the LORD your GOD is with you wherever you go."  - Joshua 1:9  

 

As I step into my new role as Mom I know that there are many new moments ahead.  There will be beautiful moments of soaking in the the miracle of life, the joy of being a parent, and how our lives have been changed forever.  And of course there will also be some sleepless nights, diaper bombs, a lot of tears from both Mom and baby, and I'm sure there will be times of wondering whether I'm really cut out to do this.

But no matter what I am facing, beautiful or frustrating, I need to remember to step back and just be in the moment.  This is a new adventure!  It's going to be a year of humbling moments mixed with baby giggles and spit up :).  In every moment, every struggle and every success, I need to learn to just be in the moment.  This will mean letting go of my expectations at times, and soaking in whatever it is we are facing.  

Be {Deanna}.  

When I was thinking about this last one I wondered if it was a little silly or childish to say it this way.  But the more I think about it, the more I realize it might be one of the more challenging aspects of life this year.  This year I'm going to learn a lot about myself, and discovering my role as "Mom" is just a small part of that.  I really want to be the woman that God created me to be.  I want to embrace who that is.  I want to be authentic and honest with myself, and not get distracted by trying to fit a perfect image of what I think the world expects me to be.  Of all of the models of Motherhood and Femininity, Our Blessed Mother is really the only one that I should be striving to imitate.   Knowing myself, this will be a hard one.  But I think that learning to be still and to be in the moment are going to help me to be myself.

2015 is going to be a great year.  In just a few more weeks our first child will come into the world and life will be different.  As tempting as it is to worry or wonder about the unknowns of this year, I'm more excited knowing that God is faithful and that His plans are far beyond anything I could imagine for myself or my family. 

I am looking forward to learning how to "be".  

What is your word of the year?

be at peace
walk on water
be not afraid

d*

7QT #5: New Year & New Adventures

--- 1 ---

Not gonna lie... I'm still trying to soak in this whole "2014" thing.  This means that it has been ten years since my high school graduation, six years since my college graduation, five years since I completed my mission year in Mexico, and almost four years since I met my husband.  A whole decade has just whooshed by.... and here I am married, working for the Church, and living in Southwest Kansas.  Whodathunkit?  

--- 2 ---

I have no idea what the best part about 2014 is going to be, and that's actually really exciting.  This time last year I had hopes that Michael and I would at least get engaged in 2013.  I never would have imagined that the year would have included getting married on my patron saint's feast day, going on an incredible 2 week honeymoon in Rome, and I certainly did not imagine getting to meet Pope Francis with my husband.  The year was full of blessings, and more than anything it was filled with reminders that God has bigger plans for me than I could ever imagine for myself.  

--- 3 ---

Like most Americans, I'd like to get into a shape other than round during this New Year.  Michael and I enrolled at the YMCA last month, and we started a 12 week program that's supposed to help us have a better workout schedule.  Three words:  No me gusta.  Not because the workout is hard, but the facility is not near big enough.  I end up lifting my little dumbbells next to the Hulk and feel ridiculous.  Humility humility... but we'll get the hang of it eventually I guess.  I might have to go there at weird hours when no one is there, but I gotta do something!  

--- 4 ---

I've been more motivated to work on my spiritual goals than my physical goals.  I've sensed the need to focus on the virtue of humility, so I decided to try to make the Litany of Humility part of my daily prayers.  I taped it to my desk and I've been praying it every day as soon as I get to my desk.  It's still not my favorite prayer, and I still find some of the lines incredibly difficult to pray, but something tells me this prayer is going to help me a LOT this year.   

--- 5 ---

The New Year's commitment that I'm most excited about is finally signing up for a Holy Hour at my parish.  I say finally because I've worked in the parish for three years, we offer 24 hr adoration, and up until this month I had never made regular visits to the adoration chapel.  Terrible!  My office is a 2 minute walk to the chapel and I was only making quick trips to adoration every now and then.  My prayer life has always been better when adoration is a regular part of it, and working in ministry has taught me the need to "sit at the master's feet" and just be with him.   I know that there will be times when I really don't "feel" like going, and I know there are times when I might not think that I'm getting anything out of those silent moments with Our Lord.  But I also know that this might be the best thing that I do this year.  Sometimes I need to be with Christ in the boat before walking on water..  

--- 6 ---

We found out today that we are moving next month!  Just to a new apartment... but it's a big move for us nonetheless!  Michael moved in with me after we got married, so my 2 bedroom apartment got a little more crowded.  I've lived here since I moved to Dodge, so I'm looking forward to starting fresh in a new place with my husband.  The only thing we're not sure about right now is when we'll be able to move in and how that it going to work out with our current landlords.  But if everything goes smoothly the Johnstons will be in their new home before Lent begins.  Please pray for us!

--- 7 ---

Deacon Dad: The Meme.

I made this meme from one of my favorite pictures taken at the wedding. The ever hilarious "Catholic Memes" Facebook page shared it and... Oila! Deacon Dad is all over the internet. I know his meme is not "viral" like babies biting their brother's fingers or sneezing panda babies, but for the Jones family dad reached a new level of internet awesomeness :)

I also made this follow up for your everyday mass experience :)

Thanks Deacon Dad :) 

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